Have you ever found yourself thinking, “I can’t leave right now, they need me”? Or, “I’ll stay a bit longer — just until things settle down at work”? Or maybe the more honest thought: “If I walk away, it feels like I’m leaving a part of myself behind.”
It’s not the lack of offers that keeps you at your current job. Often, it’s not even the salary. In fact, you can clearly describe what no longer works — the tense workplace relationships, the stagnation, the exhaustion.
Datele arata ca fenomenul este larg raspandit. In State of the Global Workplace Report The data shows this is a widespread phenomenon. In the State of the Global Workplace Report, published by Gallup (2023), only about 23% of employees worldwide are engaged in their work, and a significant proportion say they are considering changing jobs. And yet, the actual turnover rate is much lower. In other words: many people are dissatisfied with their jobs, but they don’t leave.
The reason isn’t financial. It’s psychological and social. Here’s why we grow attached to our jobs — and how you can start letting go without feeling guilty about it.
When your professional role becomes part of who you are
At the beginning, a job is simply the place you go to work. Over time, however, it becomes the place where you know exactly what you have to do. Where people know who you are and how they can rely on you. You have a clear role, people seek you out for certain things, and that gives you stability.
Research published in the Journal of Vocational Behavior shows that the professional role gradually becomes integrated into personal identity. That is why a job change is not experienced as just a move, but almost as a loss of identity.
You may recognize some of these states:
You wonder who you will be in a new job
You doubt your skills, even though you have experience
You postpone applying without a concrete reason
You feel calmer staying in a familiar environment, even if it no longer helps you
It’s not that you can’t leave — it’s that a familiar version of you lives there.
“I’ve invested too much to leave now”
After a few years in a company, a common thought appears: it would be a shame to leave right now. You’ve built relationships, gone through difficult projects, endured complicated periods. Leaving feels like it would cancel out the effort you’ve invested. In psychology, this phenomenon is known as the sunk cost effect: people continue an unfavorable situation simply because they have already invested in it. Practically speaking, time becomes the reason you stay. sunk cost: oamenii continua o situatie nefavorabila doar pentru ca au investit in ea. Practic, timpul devine motivul pentru care ramai.
It usually sounds like this:
you’ll stay “until this project is finished”
you’ll stay “until the annual review”
you’ll stay “until the team stabilizes”
And without intending to, time keeps passing.
The real attachment is to people and structure
A very important reason why it is hard to leave has less to do with the work itself. It has to do with routine and belonging. In the State of the American Workplace Report, Gallup shows that close relationships at work and a sense of belonging are among the strongest drivers of employee retention — sometimes even more important than salary.
A job means for you:
a more predictable schedule,
regular conversations
confirmation that you are useful
a place where you are recognized
You are not just leaving tasks behind. You are leaving a context in which you exist socially, every single day.
When it’s not the job holding you back, but the fear of leaving
You may find yourself staying not because you truly want to be there, but because leaving is too difficult. It’s not a conscious decision. You postpone. You wait a little longer. You see how things evolve.
Psychologists Meyer and Allen describe exactly this type of situation: you continue not because the place is good for you, but because detaching from it feels emotionally too costly. It’s not the job itself that stops you — it’s everything that comes with leaving your job.
Why the unknown feels so heavy
Research by psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky on decision-making shows that people experience losses more intensely than gains. A certain loss — colleagues, role, familiarity — feels emotionally stronger than a potential benefit.
That is why your current situation can become comfortable even if it is no longer good. Not because it satisfies you, but because it is predictable.
Change means:
no longer being the expert
learning the rules again
not being sure how things will turn out
The brain perceives it as a social risk rather than a chance.
How can you detach from the habit of attaching to jobs?
There is no need for a radical gesture. Gradual changes work best.
Explore without the obligation to accept
update your CV
speak with recruiters
attend interviews
The goal is to explore and understand your options, not to make a quick decision to leave your job.
Separate your job from your identity
Try a simple shift in wording: say “I work as…” instead of “I am…”. It may seem minor, but it helps you see your job as part of your life, not its definition.
Build other sources of validation
professional communities
short-term collaborations
personal projects
When your job is no longer the only place where you are recognized, the decision becomes clearer.
Accept your emotions
Feeling guilt, fear, or nostalgia doesn’t mean your choice is wrong — it just shows how much time, energy, and real connections you’ve invested there.
Work with Smartemp for career counseling and for a temporary job recommendation
It’s completely normal to feel uncertain before an interview or to have questions. In these moments, support from a specialized recruitment and career counseling team can make all the difference.
Smartemp, with 14 years of experience in Romania, specializes in both recruitment and supporting employees in transition. They can help you:
- Identify real job opportunities aligned with your profile and salary expectations;
- Craft a competitive CV tailored to current employer requirements;
- Practice interviews to increase confidence and success
- Explore new fields where your skills are transferable for a career change
Studies from 2025 show clearly: applying early helps, applying well helps even more, and applying strategically can build long-term opportunities.
Write to us at: recrutare@smartemp.ro
Conclusion
Attachment to a job grows from very concrete elements: identity, investment, and belonging. That is why you remain in places that no longer help you grow.
It is not a lack of courage. It's a normal psychological relationship with a space that once gave you stability.
Leaving does not erase the years you spent there, nor does it invalidate them. It simply means that the role is no longer aligned with your current professional stage. Sometimes, change doesn't begin when you find a better job. It begins when you allow yourself not to stay somewhere just because it feels hard to leave.
Sources:
Gallup (2023). State of the Global Workplace Report.
Gallup (2017). State of the American Workplace Report.
Ashforth, B.E., Schinoff, B.S. (2016). Identity Under Construction: How Individuals Come to Define Themselves in Organizations. Journal of Vocational Behavior.
Arkes, H.R., Blumer, C. (1985). The Psychology of Sunk Cost. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes.
Meyer, J.P., Allen, N.J. (1991). A Three-Component Conceptualization of Organizational Commitment. Human Resource Management Review.
Kahneman, D., Tversky, A. (1979). Prospect Theory: An Analysis of Decision under Risk. Econometrica.
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How to Emotionally Manage the Period When You’re Looking for a Job. Discover the Strategies That Build Your Confidence!
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